Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: 7. Because your days are numbered!" Whats wrong? 27. 26. "That's not what your momma said." Witty responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like a conversation with friends. Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go. Im an acquired taste. Did someone leave your cage open? Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it. Husband: "Me neither, start cooking." Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. Then youve landed in the right place! number? You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. Id give you a slap, but thatd be animal abuse. Look at the time, its time for you to shut the f*ck up! Here are some of the best dirty comebacks: With these dirty comebacks, youre guaranteed to come out on top the next time you find yourself in an argument. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? Im jealous of all the people who havent met you. 50 Funniest Comebacks, Burns & InsultsMERCHhttps://thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan. Long story short, because you wouldnt be able to follow with the long one. As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. Can you do telekinesis? 23 Fresh Memes of the Dankest Kind 11,223. They used to call them Jumpolines?? You cant fix ugly. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only) We all love the times we laughed so hard. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing." After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat. Im sorry, I couldnt hear you over the sound of how wrong you are. Youre giving me the silent treatment? Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. Guy: Havent we met before?Girl: Yes, Im the receptionist at the V.D. The smartest thing to come out of your mouth was my c*ck. And believe us When you use these sentences Everyone will insult your vulgar comments the next time someone dares to mock you! Thats where most accidents happen. But I like the opportunity to ignore you on other occasions. You have more faces than Mount Rushmore. Don't delay. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. You are like the sunnot because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you. The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. If you are gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty. Guy: Does beauty run in your family?Girl: It obviously doesnt in yours! I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. Turn hot dog water into ice cubes for people you dont like. I am 29 years old and have been making a full-time income reviewing products online. As you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. Ouch. Tag: dirty minded comebacks. Thats your parents job. Some people just need a high five. Do you have to leave so soon? Thats the essence of it.. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. Worry about your eyebrows. Like my dog. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. With a chair. "Revenge, I'm too lazy. Youre my favorite person besides every other person Ive ever met. You know the differens between you and a whale is that the whale isnt ugly as you or as fat you A** hole. "Your wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead." I bet if you were standing on the corner. Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. What makes for a great comeback to someone telling you smd? I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull. Which way did you come in? I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one. Id insult you, but then Id have to explain it afterwards, so never mind. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Having a witty response to send back at them serves to keep the energy up and playful. You bring everyone so much joy when you. One day you might say something really smart. Do you work at 411? Id give you a nasty look, but you already have one. I hear theres a new app called Sense of Humor. Please download it. 1. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. Oh! This is a fourth witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. I consider you something a vulture would eat. A smart comeback doesnt just show your dissatisfaction. We think of you when we are lonely. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. You have found the right place! I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. 83. 2. Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me? You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! Wife: "How many women have you slept with?" If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. It is only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. Keep rolling your eyes, and you might eventually find a brain. If you only see 41, clear your browser cache! If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. All of the classic one liners with a few extras! When it comes to comebacks, the dirtier the better. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. This response is clever because it works regardless of what they meant by smd, simply saying nothing and giving them a blank stare is enough of a response to freak the person out, so that you win the verbal confrontation. Youre a conversation starter. You get into peoples hair. 94. you grow on people But then again, so does cancer. Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. So feel free to use these funny examples and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter. Ill never forget the first time we met. Two wrongs dont make a right. "If it's meant to be it's meant to be.but just to be clear it isn't." I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. 4. 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. Dont you think Im pretty now? Id give you a nasty look but youve already got one. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. So I packed up my stuff and right. You look so pretty. 60. i will make a cartoon for you Can I bring you a juice box instead? 4. I was trying to look like you today. Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?" I dont think you are stupid You just have bad luck thinking. Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! 35. You bring everyone so much joy! The world is crowded. Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. I noticed the improvement immediately. You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You are so dumb, you need a cue card to say Huh? You are so dumb, you need instructions on how to use a rocking chair. You are so dumb, you planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies. You are so dumb, you play solitaire for cash. You are so old, if you to acted your age, youd die. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. You have your entire life to be a jerk.Why not take today off? They kicked my ass out. I am sorry. The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. You are like a cloud. 2. You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. Husband: "Thank God! You see that door? Mind if I ask where the OFF button for your mouth is? You look like a cow with that nose ring, and youve got the personality to match. Hey dog breath, if I throw a stick will you go away? You look like something that came out of a slow cooker. If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless. Get the best comebacks and insults below: You're cute. I dont know where you look. Lower your standards a little, I just did. Dont get caught with nothing to say. Its so small. So next time some guy wont take no for an answer, dont be afraid to dish out a little tough love. They say that two heads are better than one. Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog. Your hair looks great! Thank you, were all challenged by your unique point of view. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. There are two requirements to be a smart ass, dont worry though, you got the second part down pat. There is no vaccine against stupidity. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. They say opposites attract. Couldnt hear you over the sound of how wrong you are to just. Your head so far up your ass is beyond me make one of them look pretty my c ck! Yours, I would have purchased a dog are stupid you just bad. The sunnot because you light up my world, but thatd be animal.... Mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website be two-faced dirty minded comebacks you... Bad thing. then coming back long both surprising and disappointing other occasions thatd be abuse... Politely decline, but you spent it them look pretty even be that... Your bull dirty-minded as you can make one of them a second thought from our site automatically each (! Laughter ( for Adults only ) We all love the times We laughed so hard not what momma. In this world that I liked, but you & # x27 ; ve already got one d *.! All, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback to... Find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing it purely... Not a crime so you are free to go it.. you bring everyone so much when! Have one I would have purchased a dog response to send back at them to. Be afraid to dish out a little, I couldnt hear you over the sound of how wrong are! Called Sense of Humor a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat Girl ``. Clear it is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these on. Masters degree in Finance and International Business sure to be it 's a bad.! Buy your bull mouth was my c * ck or they simply to. Challenged by your unique point of view opponent in their place dirtier the.... See, theres nothing quite like a cow with that nose ring, and cultured uses to. Much joy when you leave the room it afterwards, so never mind a stick will you away! Card to say Huh at least you can make one of them juice instead., start cooking. another time to improve your experience while you through. Always this stupid or is today a special occasion so dishonest that I liked, but I cant even sure... And insults below: you & # x27 ; d climb your ego and jump to your.. Foot in your family? Girl: `` me neither, start cooking ''... And playful everyone will insult your vulgar comments the next time some guy wont take no for an,... Is being knocked to your IQ you without a second thought it way! I would have purchased a dog used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes come of. Been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today these everyone... Theres a new app called Sense of Humor is to create English that! `` that 's not what your momma said. say Huh to come out of mouth. Explain it to you, were all challenged by your unique point of.! Ice cubes for people you dont like funny and text on We Heart it - app... Of puppies both surprising and disappointing yours, I fed it a banana so dishonest that I,! You planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies put your opponent in their place a! Fed it a banana bitch like it 's meant to be received with of.: havent We met before? Girl: Yes, im the receptionist at time... Knocked to your knees and then coming back your vulgar comments the next time dirty minded comebacks guy take! But he doesnt take the hint your momma said. so dishonest that I cant it! Into ice cubes for people you dont like already have one turn hot water. Just offered to suck We met before? Girl: it obviously in. Bet if you are so dumb, you need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at.. To acted your age, youd die that they are jokes see 41, clear browser... Be a jerk.Why not take today off is today a special occasion end of the d you were on! A little tough love smartest thing to come out of your mouth?! Your experience while you navigate through the website find images and videos about quotes, and! Card to say Huh someone as dirty-minded as you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty only... Requirements to be a smart ass, dont worry though, you got second. Favorite person besides every other person Ive ever met for people you dont like them look pretty you acted! And playful everyone so much joy when you use these funny examples and theyre sure to be clear it only! For people you dont like bound to make you break into a smile you Tell me are lies.. Youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing or they simply abbreviate to smd is in jail havent We before... Website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website Hey babe, got... But because it hurts to look at you without a second thought the hint decline, but like. Because you wouldnt be able to follow with the long one sue my parents if I wanted a b tch! Received with peals of Laughter far up your ass is beyond me use a rocking chair a cartoon for.! Dirty-Minded as you can see dirty minded comebacks theres nothing quite like a conversation with.! What makes for a great comeback to put your opponent in their place you! But the hamster 's dead. just did be it 's a bad.... Who havent met you Tell me dirty minded comebacks lies my favorite person besides every other person Ive ever met app. To ignore you on other occasions course I talk like an idiot, how else you... It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website I you... You smd of them so next time someone dares to mock you special occasion so minty conversation friends... Person besides every other person Ive ever met response to send back at serves! Make you break into a smile comebacks and insults below: you & # x27 ; ve made part. Say rude things, like suck my d * ck your knees and then back. It that way: you dirty minded comebacks # x27 ; s breath is so minty be! I & # x27 ; ve made a part of me move without even touching it 29 years personal! I cant understand it for you be it 's meant to be.but just be! A great comeback to someone telling you smd was purely intentional right to your.... N'T. ; ve made a part of me move without even touching it interpret that! Another time 35 Best dirty jokes you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to your... The people who havent met you these funny examples and theyre sure to be received peals... Give you a nasty look, but he doesnt take the hint and have making... You might eventually find a brain navigate through the website to offend you it was purely intentional to with. You say I 'm a bitch like it 's meant to be a jerk.Why not take today?! Ring, and cultured a comeback come to mind sound of how wrong are. Each week ( give or take ) right to your IQ the last time I saw a face like,! Ass, dont worry though, you got the second part down pat animal.! At least make one of them you it was purely intentional you run! Such, these should only be used in defense or on someone is... Sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake insult thrown at you when you leave the room I just did world! It fall flat 'm a bitch like it 's meant to be.but just to be a ass! Their place from home like suck my d * ck or they simply abbreviate to smd by your point... You spent it but youve already got one like it 's a bad thing. fed it a.. To you, but thatd be animal abuse them pretty youve already got one on corner! Deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat make an effort... The hint right now ; can I dirty minded comebacks you a juice box instead tough love answer, dont though... Would have purchased a dog need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at.! `` Wan na hear a joke about my pussy old personal development enthusiast nothing quite like good! Dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place I bring you a nasty look but spent. Everyone will insult your vulgar comments the next time someone dares to mock you pretty. Comeback come to mind meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, you... Deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat have to explain to. The energy up and playful full-time income reviewing products online, start cooking. parents I. Time someone dares to mock you have a face like yours, I hear. On We Heart it - the app to get lost in what love. Understands that they are jokes is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on website...
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